All the links on this page are affiliate links – I get a small commission if you buy. It really helps me out and means I can pay my bills. If you’re not cool with that, all good – just get the books from another site of your choice. As long as you improve your life and work on your goals, I’m happy regardless.
These are all the books, podcasts and videos that have changed my life for the better. I’ve only included resources that had a humongous impact on my life – as in, the moment I was done reading/watching, I became a different person. I’m talking huge epiphany, immediately change a bunch of things you’re doing in your life – that sort of thing.
I hope you get as much out of these as I have. If you have any questions, drop a comment below and I’ll answer.
And if you have your own recommendations, please let me know in the comments below.
- You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
- Loving What Is by Byron Katie
- I Need Your Love: Is That True? by Byron Katie
- The Slight Edge
- Letting Go, Love is Letting Go of Fear, Letting Go of Nothing
- "I Have a Very Protective Helplessness"
- 5-Minute Meditator
- No More Mr Nice Guy
- When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
- A Workout Routine
- Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (And it's All Small Stuff)
- Instant Calm & The Little Book of Calm
- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius & The Discourses of Epictetus (Stoicism)
- Social Experiment Videos on Youtube
- Jocko Willink
- Noise-Cancelling Headphones (WH-1000XM5)
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
Buy You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought on Amazon (affiliate link).
This should be the first book you ever buy if you’re serious about overcoming depression, working through negative thoughts, are struggling to be consistent with your goals/habits, or just need a kick of movitation. It’s also mind-blowingly good for helping you put your own problems in perspective and let go of the things that have been bothering you for years and getting in the way of your success. This book was instrumental in me fixing my depression.
If you buy nothing else on this entire list, if you only buy one thing I ever recommend anywhere on my sites – buy this god damn book. Right now. I’m serious – right now.
I’ve recommended it to most of my coaching clients, I’ve recommended it in several comments on my site, I’ve recommended it to guys who email me asking for advice. I’ve recommended it to my girlfriend (she fucking loved it), to several girls I’ve dated, multiple friends and family members. Everyone I’ve recommended it to has told me, “Ok, you weren’t exaggerating – this book is life-changing.”
It’s very easy to read (he has a very reassuring way of speaking to you), and you’ll likely have 50 massive epiphanies while reading it. I first read it when I was 23, and I’ve come back to it and re-read it at least once every year since then.
I’ve got a podcast talking about the book and running you through a few of the exercises here:
One of my clients said it best: “Finished Luxury of a Negative Thought. Fucking beautiful book isn’t it. Honestly I’ve taken sooooo much away from away. Some amazing tricks in there.”
If you’re feeling a bit hopeless, or aren’t sure how to cut down on negative thoughts, or aren’t sure if you’ll ever make it and be successful – buy this fucking book. I’ll say it again: BUY THIS BOOK.
Buy the book:
Buy You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought on Amazon (affiliate link)
(This version on Amazon is the updated version – I have a copy of the old version).
Loving What Is by Byron Katie
Buy Loving What Is on Amazon (affiliate link)
You guys hear me talk about Byron Katie all the time; this is her book that started it all for me. Loving What Is is best summed up like this: It’s a book about stoicism, written by the sweetest old lady you’ll ever meet. Byron’s way of looking at the world and not getting upset over the way things are is a gamechanger if you want a more stoic, peaceful, productive and kickass life.
I Need Your Love: Is That True? by Byron Katie
Buy I Need Your Love: Is That True? on Amazon (affiliate link)
Another must-read Byron Katie book about abundance mentality, not relying on other people for your happiness, being happy even when you’re not in a relationship, and so much more. Buy this book; it’ll change your life.
The Slight Edge
Buy The Slight Edge on Amazon (affiliate link)
People have asked me many times how I achieved everything I’ve achieved, and the answer is always, The Slight Edge. I’ve written a massive, in-depth guide to setting and achieving your goals here:
I expand on the book and flesh out some of the concepts the author skimped on – go check it out.
The Slight Edge is hands-down the best book I’ve ever read on setting and achieving goals. He goes into great depth about why people struggle to achieve the goals they’ve set, why people give up, why they get overwhelmed with their lack of progress – and how you can fix it.
I still use this method today, my girlfriend uses it, my friends use it, I even get most of my coaching clients to use it.
The premise of the “slight edge” is to just take tiny little baby steps towards your goal every single day – even if those baby steps are so pathetically small they seem almost insignificant. Eg if you’re trying to lose fat, make it your goal to walk around your block for 2 minutes a day. That’s such a pathetically small goal that anyone can do it; and that’s the point. If you build that into a habit where it takes no willpower, then you can upgrade it to something a little better – maybe you walk for 10 minutes a day. When that’s a habit, you start walking for 20 minutes.
Over time you build these habits up, and you focus on consistency – doing it literally every day. When something is a habit it is easy as hell to keep doing – and at that point, success is literally inevitable.
I’ve followed this slight edge method myself. Some of the things I’ve achieved with consistent daily habits:
- A photo-a-day project for a year (I didn’t miss a single day).
- A 6-week Approach Anxiety Program I completed to help me get over my fear of talking to girls. The whole premise of it was to take tiny little baby steps each day and talk to a few girls each day, slowly becoming more comfortable with it.
- A 170kg deadlift and 200kg rack pull. My only mission was to hit the gym 3 days a week, and just be consistent with it – I built up my strength slowly over 3 years.
- Losing 77lbs/35kg. I just focused on taking each day one at a time, and over a 9 month period I slowly lost the weight, a tiny bit each day, added up over time.
- Publishing 100 articles for my main site (KillYourInnerLoser.com). I just wrote a little each day, whenever I could – sometimes on the bus to work, sometimes on lunch breaks – and it added up over time.
- Fixing my depression – I just gave myself little tasks each day to keep improving my mental health. Just tiny little seemingly-insignificant things like “I will go for a walk for 5 minutes each day” and “I’ll text one friend or relative each week to tell them I appreciate them and am grateful for them.”
- Getting my dating life to a point where I’m really happy with it. I just focused on improving myself a tiny bit each day (baby steps), and over a couple of years, girls naturally started wanting to be around me more and more.
- Many other little goals I achieved just by working on them, a tiny bit each day.
The slight edge really is mindblowingly good at forcing you to make daily progress – so you’re never relying on motivation or willpower. It feels like your goals are literally guaranteed, and they take no effort (since you’re just keeping up easy daily habits). It makes it feel like you get to achieve your goals for free – it’s amazing. Success just came for free.
The book also explains how to break down big goals into tiny manageable ones, so you don’t feel so overwhelmed or hopeless. Most big goals are scary as hell, but if you can break them into multiple “part-goals”, you’ll find they’re pretty doable. String enough of those little accomplishments together, and you’ll achieve your massive goals – with and it’ll be relatively easy.
Buy it on Amazon (affiliate link).
Letting Go, Love is Letting Go of Fear, Letting Go of Nothing
A book I highly recommend on inner peace, being more productive, getting rid of negative thoughts, and generally being happier overall.
This book has genuinely changed my life, and everyone I recommend it to says “Holy crap Andy, this book is amazing.”
We all tend to get so caught up in our own bullshit, in our own negative thoughts, that it’s hard to imagine life could just be… easy. It’s not normal to beat yourself up and talk to yourself like shit. It’s not normal to get angry over things over people do. It’s not normal to be trapped by worries, paralysed by fears. It’s not normal to give a shit what other people think of you. This book helps with all of this, and more.
“I Have a Very Protective Helplessness”
If you struggle with hopelessness or feel like maybe it’s too late for you to change, watch this right now:
It’s maybe the best resource I’ve ever seen on dealing with the root cause of hopelessness – the fact that if you’re convinced nothing you do will really work, then you won’t go all-in, and you won’t fully commit to fixing yourself. And because you’re not all-in, you won’t do the things you need to do to actually change.
It’s one of the big challenges of my site; helping guys who seem like they’ve already given up. This video is the first thing I send a lot of people, and for most of them, it’s been eye-opening. It’s been the catalyst they needed to let go of their hopelessness and actually start making changes and building success.
Do yourself a favour and listen to this podcast. For a lot of you, it’ll be life-changing.
The follow-up interview is just as awesome:
Once you’ve watched that second video, this image will make you smile:
The entire HealthyGamer_GG channel is a goldmind of amazing and insightful videos on mental health, reaching your goals and improving yourself. There’s videos on dealing with porn addiction, videos about dealing with loneliness. Videos on improving your self-knowledge, videos on dealing with depression, videos on beating social anxiety, and videos on finding your life’s purpose.
5-Minute Meditator
Buy The 5-Minute Meditator on Amazon (affiliate link).
Update: Listen to my review of the book, as well as me walking you through some of the exercises contained within it.
This book brought so much inner peace to my life, and helped me deal with a very serious crisis. The author teaches you how to meditate as you go about your day, in little 5-minute sessions while you’re doing other things. He teaches you how to meditate as you’re doing the dishes, while you’re on the way to work, while you’re working out at the gym, while you’re walking around outside.
None of it requires you to know how to meditate; the book is written for people who have absolutely zero interest in meditating. He teaches you to just “be present” and focus on what you’re currently doing – no matter what it is you’re doing. And that’s all meditation really is – just focusing on what you’re currently doing. Or a better way of saying it is noticing what you’re doing.
My favourite types of meditation are the “sound meditations” – as in, just paying attention to and focusing on the sounds around you. I do this one often, just letting myself notice the sounds going on. The hum of the air-conditioner, the honking of cars in the distance, the sound of leaves scraping on the pavement, the tweeting of birds in the trees, the way leaves rustle in the trees, the sounds of people talking as they walk past. Noticing all these sounds is incredibly calming – like I said, the techniques in this book got me through a very rough time in my life, and I came out the other side a much calmer and more in control person.
Buy the book:
No More Mr Nice Guy
Buy No More Mr Nice Guy on Amazon (affiliate link).
If you have issues with being a “nice guy” – as in, being a people pleaser and letting others walk all over you, then this is the book for you. It’ll teach you how to start actually asking for what you want in a direct manner, without needing to be “passive-aggressive” and without manipulating people.
If you’ve never had much luck with women, and find you get friendzoned a lot or just completely ignored – read this book. The author pushes masculine values like going for what you want and not sitting back being passive. I wish I’d read this book when I was young; it would have saved me many years of hell with women (and people in general).
In short, it’s a book about honesty, integrity and masculinity.
Sin Silver over on our forums got a lot out of it himself:
“Whilst a lot of the books I’ve read have helped me build upon who I am. No book has made me radically change the principles of who I am than ‘No more Mr. Nice Guy’.
Whilst I was growing and learning from other sources, everything I learnt was still based upon a lot of incorrect assumptions about the world I developed as a kid, which this book helped dismiss.“
My girlfriend even bought a copy for one of her male friends who is the biggest pushover she’d even met.
Buy No More Mr Nice Guy on Amazon (affiliate link).
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Buy When I Say No, I Feel Guilty on Amazon (affiliate link).
Just like No More Mr Nice Guy above, this is a brilliant book at teaching you to be more assertive, learning to stand up for yourself, and most importantly, learning how to say no (so you’re no longer a doormat other people walk all over).
I’ve found this book particularly helpful to give to girls; most women struggle with saying no (women tend to be much more agreeable and less confrontational than men).
Buy When I Say No, I Feel Guilty on Amazon (affiliate link).
A Workout Routine
A Workout Routine is my go-to site for guys who are first starting out in the gym – this workout is the one I recommend to complete newbies. I myself do the 4-day version of this workout routine he created.
More than that, he’s put a tonne of effort into answering all sorts of questions like:
- Progressive Overload: The Key Workout Requirement
- Bulk or Cut: Should I Build Muscle Or Lose Fat First?
- How To Lose Fat Without Losing Muscle (Burn Fat, Not Muscle)
- How Many Calories Should I Eat A Day To Lose Weight or Gain Muscle?
- Starvation Mode: Is It A Myth? Is It Real? Is Your Body In It Right Now?
- Workout At Home: How To Build Muscle Without Weights
- Exercise Frequency: How Often Should You Workout Per Week?
- How To Build Muscle And Lose Fat At The Same Time: Can It Be Done?
- How Long Does It Take To Lose Weight, Get A Six Pack or Build Muscle?
His second website, A Calorie Counter is equally as awesome. He’s got a tonne of useful articles on there about losing weight, counting calories, keto diets, intermittent fasting, and more. This is the best article on his site:
Why Am I Not Losing Weight: 11 Reasons You’re Failing To Lose Fat
He’s got some paid workout plans/books on his sites – one of my clients bought one of his workout routines and was very happy with it. (I personally haven’t bought anything on his site; I’m very happy with all the free content he’s put up.)
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (And it’s All Small Stuff)
Buy Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff on Amazon (affiliate link).
In a similar vein to “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought”, and “The Little Book of Calm”, this book helps you take a step back from your problems when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed. This book is all about perspective – it helps you put your problems in perspective so you’re not weighed down by them.
I re-read this book every couple of years as a reminder to myself not to get bogged down worrying about shit that really doesn’t matter.
Instant Calm & The Little Book of Calm
Buy Instant Calm on Amazon (That’s the updated version – I have the old version).
Buy The Little Book of Calm on Amazon.
(Both those are affiliate links by the way).
Two books by the same author; both worth reading, especially if you struggle with anxiety, worry, stress or panic attacks. Especially Instant Calm – he has tonnes of actual techniques you can do in the moment when you’re feeling anxious; tips that actually work.
My girlfriend has struggled with anxiety, neurotic thoughts and panic attacks – these two books have done wonders for her mental health. She highly recommends them.
I’ve had my fair share of anxiety and mild panic attacks in the past, especially when I was a lot more highly-strung. I got a lot out of these two books. My favourite tip from Instant Calm is to get a tennis ball (I prefer to use a lacrosse ball because it’s much harder). I press it hard into my chest (my left pec tends to tense up when I’m super anxious), rubbing in circles, pushing it as hard as I possibly can – to the point it hurts a bit.
It’s saved me from a tonne of panic attacks (something I used to really struggle with – less so these days). Just knowing this little pink ball is sitting in my cupboard makes me a hell of a lot more chilled these days. It’s nice knowing it’s there if I need it.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius & The Discourses of Epictetus (Stoicism)
Stoicism is the art of inner peace, of not being affected by the outside world and external events; in short, having your shit together. Stoicism is a core part of being a happy, masculine man – and there’s no 2 better old stoics to learn from than Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus.
These 2 videos below will get you started on the path to a happier, more resilient, more powerful you:
Social Experiment Videos on Youtube
Social Experiment videos were my go-to entertainment a few years ago, and they were a huge factor in me working up the courage to actually start talking to girls myself. I prefered the wholesome channels (rather than the over-the-top prank channels where the intention seems to be to insult or belittle other people). My favourites:
This one in particular is extremely insightful:
That video was instrumental in me finally giving myself permission to start talking to random girls in public. I really needed to see a video like this to start believing girls would be nice to me if I went up to them and said hello. And guess what? 99.99% of girls I talked to were just as sweet as the girls in this video.
I used to watch hundreds (thousands) of these videos, to give myself the motivation to go outside and talk to women. I wouldn’t have had the courage to start putting myself out there and risking rejection if I hadn’t watched other people doing it first.
Jocko Willink
Buy Extreme Ownership on Amazon (affiliate link)
Jocko Willink is a badass; you can tell that just from looking at him. Ex-Lieutenant Commander in the Navy SEALs, honored with a Silver Star and Bronze Star, black belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu. Fought in the Iraq War, became a public speaker and motivational consultant, and now hosts his own very successful podcast here.
Much like Jordan Peterson, a huge part of his philosophy is taking responsibility for your problems and never letting yourself be a victim. No matter how much current circumstances are kicking your ass, there’s always something you can do to fight back. His book Extreme Ownership (affiliate link) goes deep on this topic.
One of my favourite philosophies of his is “Good” – reframe every setback as a good thing, because it’s a chance to learn, grow, and become a stronger, more resilient human being.
Noise-Cancelling Headphones (WH-1000XM5)
Buy the WH-1000XM5’s on Amazon (affiliate link)
As someone who struggles to concentrate at the best of times and is easily distracted by outside noises, these headphones are mandatory for me. I couldn’t have gotten one-tenth the amount of work I have without ’em.
I talked about these on this podcast:
Got your own recommendations? Drop a comment below and let us know.
Donations: If you’d like to, you can donate to me here: kyil-extra.com/donate.
Or Bitcoin: 355HzhfmVTcomTgAfnZsWEJuWSW7cN2kHX
Donations go to myself, Immy, Cam and the other coaches, and allow us to continue doing what we’re doing. It’s very much appreciated.
Hi Andy,
Thanks for the book recommendations. I’ve purchased ‘You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought’ + ‘The Slight Edge’ books to start with. I’m 75% way through the first book (done 100+ pages in one night!) and plan to start the next one straight afterwards. The ‘You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought’ book has already changed my way of thinking about things negatively and how easy it is to just “change” these thinking habits. I may even re-read the book and make notes so I can fully gain everything I can from it.
This may go more into the meditation area but can you offer any advice on how to “focus” on a book? There are times I’m reading and my mind will suddenly start thinking about everything else and start racing, next thing I know I’m still on the same page 5 – 10 minutes later because my mind has gone off on a trail of random thoughts. It’s not stressful as such, however it is annoying and there are times I’ve just had to put the book down and come back to it later because my thoughts are running at 200%. When I was a lot younger I could sit and read through an entire book in one evening if I wanted to with no mental distractions, so I know it’s something I’m capable of doing.
Personally I feel this is a consequence of browsing the internet for many years and being fed information in a different format to books. With a book you have to sit and read through it in only one method possible (you can skip ahead but then the book won’t make sense) whereas the internet you can have many different pieces of information thrown at you on different webpages and we may have just become used to reading information / gaining knowledge instantly as opposed to slowly reading through a book.
I’ve also made sure to buy these books via your affiliate URLs above, I can’t find any confirmation on Amazon if what I ordered actually went through your affiliate account but hoping they did as I’m keen on supporting you and showing my thanks! I do plan on slowly going through the other books on this page that I feel will be a useful read, so will pick them up as I go.
Thanks again Andy.
Hey mate, awesome to hear you’ve already gotten something out the book. Would 100% recommend rereading Luxury of a Negative Thought. I come back to it regularly whenever I feel stuck in negativity.
Regarding distraction, I have the exact same thing, but not just with books. I get distracted constantly, by everything. It’s something that I’ve learned to let go of and accept. Trying to force myself to sit down and focus on a book only seems to make it worse. I get distracted by thinking about the fact I can’t focus.
What’s helped me is ‘letting go’ of the fact I get distracted. It’s okay if you need to read the same page 10 times. The book isn’t going anywhere, you can always come back to it. It might be a sign you need to take a break and stop trying to cram in more information. I’ve found I get the most out of books when I take them slowly, taking breaks between pages, sometimes paragraphs to absorb and implement new ideas. Often I’ve found, when I don’t try and force focus, or make thing different, eventually focus returns without trying.
Also appreciate the support. Keep crushing it.
Rollo Tomassi. Arguably the founder of Red Pill/AWALT and by extension also kind of the god father of MGTOW and Incel. I must have read/listened to his book about 5 times now since I have both the audiobook and the kindle edition.
I didn’t think you’d recommend reading his work. What made you change your mind?
Wish the Peter McWilliams book was on kindle or audible. Had to get it on ebay since aus amazon has no local stock as usual.lol
I’ve always been a fan of The Rational Male – well, bits and pieces of it. I’m happy to recommend it, as long as I throw in the caveat of, “Just be careful you don’t focus too much on the dark side of female behaviour.”
Maybe I should listen to it again one last time.
The Rational Male was the first book I read which really put into concrete theory all the observations I had in my 20’s which formed into my core philosophy that, to put it as PC as possible, female gendered individuals of the human species should be regarded as hostile entities by persons such as myself for our own safety and mental (and possibly physical) well being.
Yet in my 30’s I came across the obvious realization that over 50% of the species is comprised of female gendered individuals, so trying to live a productive, relatively “normal” life with zero interaction with these people is nigh impossible, even given my relatively introverted lifestyle and career.
For example in this city (well basically anywhere outside of Japanese really) if you want a face to face tutor to learn Japanese you will HAVE to put up with having a female (and usually one in her 20s) teacher, and you have to live with the fact that most of the other students will also be female.
Hence my constant struggle with trying to have some normal social interactions with these people, who essentially have just bad intentions towards people like me at their core, without losing my composure or becoming combative.
Anyway I do release these aren’t even issues that are really important to my life since having a real career should be what I should be working on and the whole inter-gender relationship is a distraction to someone like me who doesn’t have any inter-gender relationships. haha
I look forward to reading the McWilliams book once it gets here. Cheers.